I'm just a girl in this wide world trying to find my place. A lot of this journey is about overcoming my issues, but I post about a wide variety of things.
Come sit down for awhile, keep me company, I'm sure we can find something to keep us entertained.
It’s freaking cold. Winter is on it’s way. 3.8C tells me I should be still in bed, all snuggled up and warm. Instead I’m on my way to work on the train.
Less than pleasant experience on the way to the station, I don’t know where I came from, but it was a little scary.
I was walking to the stain, minding my own business, (ok, so I was bitching about the cold) when I got a sharp stabbing pain in my left hip. It extended down my leg making my hip and knee feel weak and as if they were going to collapse. It got worse to the point I didn’t think I’d be able to walk at all, then better. Then it happened again. I’m now sitting on the train with a painful ache down my side.
I hope it doesn’t continue during the day!
On a happier note, happy Monday everyone! Yes I do realise it’s Wednesday, but it’s the start of my working week, this week anyway. Monday is the start of my weekend! Yup I live on a topsy turvy world.
Waiting for my colleagues to cone out of the pub. Yes people this is my life. I get to go out to bars and clubs and get paid to do it! 3 of is at this one would have been overkill, so I’m just catching up on my paperwork while the brain still operates.
4 hours to go on the shift and I’m actually still WIDE awake. 2 nights in a row. This is unheard of. My happy pills are kicking my ass in the best way. I’m so happy about it. I feel almost human again.
I haven’t been posting much lately as I’m sure most of you have noticed. This is mostly due to a rather massive case of the sads, accompanied by large dose of apathy. I haven’t wanted to do anything, see anyone, I have just wanted to sleep.
Bit of back story, at the beginning of the year I started to notice I was feeling really fatigued. I let it go, as I was under a bit of stress at work, and I had been doing some weird ass shifts, so I explained it away. I had a month of work during March. But the fatigue did not diminish. I was hoping that the ability to just chill, sleep when I wanted to and generally just be calm, would be good for me. Nope, no real change in it at all.
Along with this fatigue, I felt the depression start to sneak in. I didn’t know if the fatigue was a result of the depression, or the depression was the result of the fatigue. I haven’t been able to pin point anything in particular that was setting it off. I was just feeling sad, lonely and could burst in to tears at any moment. It’s not a fun way to live, as I’m sure many people understand.
So I headed back to my Dr to see what we could do about it. Easiest solution, anti-depressants. I started on Zoloft, and I had a reasonable lift from this. Back to the Dr, so he increased the dose to the recommended level. Bring on the anxiety and deeper depression setting in. THIS IS NOT WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO. But I have been told it can happen. I was sleeping massive amounts, and still not feeling rested. The thoughts were not so pleasant, and dreams so vivid they scared me.
So a change in anti’s to Pristique. Apparently they have less side effects and give good results. Start off with half dose, nothing major, but I was working night shift and weekend of death, so could be somewhat explained. Then on Sunday I started on full dose. Yesterday, I did what I would have normally done on a day off, lazed around, jumped back in bed with the thought of having an afternoon nap. That didn’t happen. Normally I lay in bed, even to read my book, and within 20 minutes I’m out like a light.
No sleep for this little girl. Then last night the happy’s kicked in. I think Mr Man didn’t know what hit him when he got home. I was like motor mouth, grinning like an idiot. I had more energy than I have in a long time. I went for a walk yesterday after I dropped my car off to get some work done. I could have waited and then gone to the library to drop off my stuff, but figured I’d take a leisurely stroll down there. Well a sweaty round trip later I was back at home, showered and feeling good.
I feel like I am coming out the other side. That maybe I will feel like socialising more and it not be such an effort and so emotionally draining when I do.
On another note I have lost some of the weight that the apathy and depression assisted me regain. I stepped on the scale this morning and saw a weight I haven’t seen in a long time. It’s the lowest I’ve seen on my most recent journey. I am not going to sabotage this like I have in the past. Keep making good choices and moving forward.
So this has been a short update on the life of Nat…. Tell me what has been going on in your life that I have likely missed in the last few weeks.